Cokesbury Seasonal Planning Catalog: Advent/Christmas

The Christmas shopping season begins long before stores start playing Christmas music in the autumn. For churches, the Christmas shopping season begins in August when catalogs like this one arrive. I hope this means that all Christians are now forbidden from complaining about the commercialization of Christmas for the rest of the year. You may ask, "Then what will the sermons possibly be about?" Hopefully in the tens of thousands of dollars in merchandise for sale from Cokesbury you can find something to answer that question.

The highlights include:

Number of books by Adam Hamilton about Christmas = 3 (The other way to think about this is 1 book about Christmas for every 3,425 people who come to his church each week.)

Most expensive candle = Christ Tube Candle, $238.30 for one candle. 

Most expensive Advent candle set = Advent Candela Set with Christ Candle, $579 for five candles. The description begins, "Enhance your devotion for Advent and heighten the anticipation of this holy season with these candles." I'd say that if you are considering spending over 550 dollars for five candles then your devotion for Advent really can't be enhanced all that much.

Average price for an Advent wreath = $763.30 (The most expensive is $1,973.15) Just in case you are confused, an Advent wreath is four candles in a circle with one in the middle. So putting four candles in a circle and one in the middle works just as well. Keep in mind, you can also buy about 30 different books that are advertised as helping you appreciate the true meaning of Christmas... How blunt do I have to be for this to seem odd to you?  

Number of books for sale with a cover designed to look like a wrapped present = 13 

Most pretentious description of a piece of plastic that will be used for five minutes = "The Franklyn Candleholder, Made of flame retardant material, these reusable candleholders provide protection to the hand from dripping wax, and can be used with congregational candles or tapers." A package of 125 costs $90.75. I hope some churches just consider punching holes in one dollar bills and putting candles through them. And as much as I appreciate the spelling of Franklyn, I truly love the breathless tone of delicate arrogance suggested by the phrase "provide protection to the hand". Remember when God anointed us to bring good news to the poor, proclaim  release to the captives and provide protection to the hand? This is the real meaning of Christmas! 

Number of headless mannequins dressed like clergy = 3  (Just think about this a little longer...) 

church source autumn 2014

A new catalog came today. It is a typical example of what churches receive every day.

The inside cover of this catalog promises, "A comprehensive and focused selection of the best church resources available, handpicked by a team of ministry experts, representing respected Christian authors, the most widely read Bible translations and theologically solid resources for Bible study, sermon preparation, discipleship training, and personal enrichment."

Consider these words "comprehensive... handpicked... respected Christian authors... theologically solid..."

I now want you to know that this same catalog sells twelve (12) separate Duck Dynasty products and even more can be found exclusively on their website.

Available in hardcover and two separate tones of leather is The Duck Commander Faith and Family Bible." In this new NKJV family Bible, father and son Phil and Al Robertson offer fresh wisdom on Christian values, what the Bible has to say about them, and how everyday people can apply them to their lives. Includes 30 testimonials and a personal welcome note from Phil and Al Robertson."

A Duck Dynasty series on "living five values from the parables of Jesus" includes a "bonus Willie's Redneck Rodeo VBS curriculum."

On the facing page you can order Jesus Prom which has a picture of a disco mirror ball on the cover. The description is truly too bizarre to believe. It ends with these two sentences "We impersonate [Jesus'] every move. If imitation is the greatest form of flattery, Jesus should be flattered by the actions of his Church." Despite the force of this statement, I actually do wonder how flattered Jesus really is by the Jesus Prom DVD study series and softcover leader's guide.

A two page spread sells a video-based course called "Emotionally Healthy...." The three versions are "Emotionally Healthy SPIRITUALITY", "The Emotionally Healthy CHURCH" and "The Emotionally Healthy WOMAN." As I've observed before, I am concerned that the first two variations present themselves as gender neutral, with the category of woman representing the only acknowledgment of gender. To me it suggests that spirituality and church are topics completely different from woman.
The 8 session titles for the Emotionally Healthy Woman are:
1. Quit Being Afraid of What Others Think
2. Quit Lying
3. Quit Dying to the Wrong Things
4. Quit Denying Anger, Sadness, and Fear
5. Quit Blaming
6. Quit Overfunctioning
7. Quit Faulty Thinking
8. Quit Living Someone Else's Life
Apparently, if there is one thing that every woman (as opposed to a normal person) needs to hear repeated eight times, it's quit it!

You can also buy a DVD series titled How To Be Rich.

Finally, there is a two page spread of marriage resources under the headline, "What If You Could Fail-Proof The Marriages In Your Church?"

The first product advertised is titled, "Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts."
The second is titled, "Saving Your Second Marriage Before It Starts."

(100% free shipping)
              

Multiplying our creativity

Our church rents out space to a small nursery school.
There are two staff people.
Today they each received identical copies of the same catalog selling art supplies plus one Oriental Trading Company catalog to share.
The irony here is that the catalogs mostly sell craft supplies.
But imagine what crafty things you could do with just the catalogs alone!
You could use this stuff for a blog post... or turn it into a tweet... or post a status update... or even find a sermon illustration!

Cokesbury Small Group 2014 Fall Catalog

I went through a drive-through at a McDonalds recently with someone ordering happy meals (sic) for children. The voice in the speaker asked "Are those for boys or girls?" I didn't realize that happens. When I ordered my coffee I said, "... for a boy."

I thought of this today when I received a Cokesbury small group catalog.

I will divide my observations by section.

The table of contents lists 14 section headings (Discipleship, Spiritual Growth, Living Well, Topical Studies, Women's Studies, Reading Groups, Marriage, Divorce/Parenting/Men's Studies. Tragedy Recovery, Stewardship, Conversation Starters, Outreach & Missions, Biblical Studies, Youth Small Group).

Counting can be a little messy. I have tried to keep it simple. (I looked up authors I had doubts about and am comfortable with what I found. I don't think I'm off.)

Here is what I counted...

Section I, Discipleship - 10 featured books that are all authored by men. The only female given credit is Jeanne Torrence Finley who cowrote with Rueben Job the study guide to a book that he authored.

Section II, Spiritual Growth - 26 books. 3 are written by a sole female author.

Section III, Living Well - 8 books. 5 are written by a sole male author or a group of men.

Section IV, Topical Studies - 20 books. 6 are written by sole female authors. N.B. A book titled Named: The Disciples features two companion options. The first is The Disciples Participant Workbook/The Disciples DVD with Leader Guide. The second is The Women Participant Workbook/The Women DVD with Leader Guide. The two options are either DISCIPLES or WOMEN. This explains why there are no sole female authors in the Discipleship section and the reason for the next section...

Section V,  Women's Studies - 10 books are listed with credit given for an author and they are all women.  1 book is pictured with the cover (Amazed and Confused: When God's Actions Collide With Our Expectations by Heather Zempel) but the written description is for the general series and lists the author as "A Collection of Studies by Women", nothing more. 3 books in this section have no author listed.

Section VI, Reading Groups - 6 books all written by women.

Section VII, Marriage Studies - 6 books: 1 by a woman, 2 by men, 1 by two male/female couples, 2 are written by 2 men (...they are each in heterosexual marriages).

Section VIII is listed as one in the table of contents but each of these headings are divided in the pages of the catalog
     Divorce Recovery - 2 books each by a sole female author.
     Parenting Studies - ditto, 2 books each by a sole female author.
     Men's Studies - 1 book by a man and 1 book by 2 men.

Section IX, Tragedy Recovery - 5 books all by sole male authors.

Section X, Stewardship - 5 books, 1 is coauthored by a man and woman. The rest are by sole male authors.

Section XI, Conversation Starters - 20 books, 7 by women and 13 by men.

Section XII,  Outreach & Missions - 5 books, 1 by a women, 2 by a man, 2 by 2 men.

Section XIII, Biblical Studies - this is the most complicated to explain because their are many components to many of the products. However, there are no female authors listed in this section.

Section XIV, 11 books, 1 of which has a female coauthor listed.

To bring this back to coffee...
     The cover of this catalog features three sets of hands around coffee mugs on a table. Two of the sets of hands are wearing nail polish. Those hands hold the cup or the saucer.
     The third set of hands do not have painted nails. These hands are also not embracing the coffee. They are open, expressive, articulating. It is not hard to picture that this person is the one doing the speaking while the women listen. It's a perfect illustration of what is being sold inside.